Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
