the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
