Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
