This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize