dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
