Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
