Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
