Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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