Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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