I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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