I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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