you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
