New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
