so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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