Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
