why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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