Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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