i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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