i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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