Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
