Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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