apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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