So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
