he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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