I'm drive I can fine osifer
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
