I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
