I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
