I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
