i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He better not be in your backpack
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They have beer where we have blood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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