So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
