Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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