I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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