I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
