You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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