Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
