he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
