theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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