when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
