Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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