My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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