if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
