this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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