After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
