I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
