Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
