he puts the penis in happiness.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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