I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
