he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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