you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
