Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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