new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They took my balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
