If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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