She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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