mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
