she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
