well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
