I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
