The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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