drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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