Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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