I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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