I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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